Yes, no, I don’t know: Being conscious of consent

What consent before each specific sexual activity can sound like Picture Credits: Blessy Jeremy

The conversation around consent is undoubtedly one that is essential when it comes to sex

education. Consent is the willingness or voluntary agreement of participants to engage in a particular sexual activity. Although sexual activity can come with a series of thoughts and emotions that are often overwhelming, it is important to take a moment to be mindful of consent.

Consent must always be clear, and should be given before engaging in the sexual activity in question. Verbal permission and enthusiastic participation are the only signs of consent. Silence, hesitation or “I don’t know” cannot be taken as consent. The same goes for those under the influence of drugs or alcohol, they are incapacitated and thus, not in a position to give clear consent. It does not matter if the participants have had sexual relations in the past or have communicated that they have feelings for each other, the definition of consent is applicable to all sexual activities at all times.

Non-consensual sex or sexual activity is rape or sexual assault.

“Consent to me is simply comfort. ‘Am I comfortable?’ Is the first thing that comes to my

mind,” said Reshma (29). Feelings of nervousness and fear may arise before any sexual activity. This is where asking for consent will help you ensure that the other person is comfortable enough to go through with it. The first step in creating a safe space is asking for permission and making sure that they are ready. Communication of boundaries and conversations about the nature of the relationship are essential to clearing any anxiety or discomfort that the participants may be experiencing.

Consent is based on being considerate of your partner's well-being Picture Credits: Blessy Jeremy

Consent is necessary because it is you being considerate of your partner’s feelings and well-

being. It must be communicated before each specific sexual activity. For example, consenting to kissing cannot be taken as consenting to touching, too.

“During my first time, I think the common phrases we used throughout were ‘Is this okay?’ and ‘Are you feeling okay?’. Many people say that actively asking for consent ruins the intimacy but for, it enhanced it. Knowing that my partner cared about my comfort really enhanced my experience,” said Rahul (22).

Dr. Nirmala Shivalingaiah, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist said that there is a lack of mutual

understanding and interest, especially in the case of married Indian couples. “Men think that

because they are married, they have the right to have sex at any point of time. They are not

considerate of whether their partner is tired, unwell or uncomfortable. And these things are taboo in our society, which is why a woman must be aware of consent and not compromise on it,” she said.

Every time you begin to engage in sexual activity, ask yourself if you have clear consent, if all

involved are comfortable and considerate. Anything but an enthusiastic “yes” is a clear “no”. It is your responsibility to be conscious of consent, it is not something that can be compromised.