Sexual Performance Anxiety: what you need to know

Have you ever felt anxious before sex? Sex is supposed to be joyful, but it's difficult to have fun when you're constantly worried about how well you're doing. If you want to put the spark back in your relationship, learn why you might be experiencing sexual performance anxiety and get some strategies to help you relax.

So, what is Sexual Performance Anxiety?

Picture credits: Thanmaya Prakash

Sexual performance anxiety is a feeling of nervousness and sexual anxiety before and during sex.

When you have these feelings, your body may generate more intense stress hormones like adrenaline, making it more difficult to relax and enjoy sexual activity. Sex is more than a physical reaction. It is also influenced by your emotions. So, if your head is too worried to think about sex, your body will find it difficult to get excited either.

According to Stephanie Watson’s article from WedMB, there are lots of different worries and concerns that can lead to the problem:

• Fear that you won't perform well in bed and satisfy your partner sexually

• Poor body image, including concern over your weight

• Problems in your relationship

• Worry that your penis won't "measure up"

• Concern about ejaculating too early or taking too long to reach orgasm

• Anxiety about not being able to have an orgasm or enjoy the sexual experience

Anxiety can take you out of the right mind-set for sex. You can't focus on what you're doing when you're in bed while you're worried about whether you'll perform well. Even if you are able to become aroused, you can still be pre-occupied and unable to have an orgasm. A circle of problems called sexual performance anxiety can cause you to become fearful of having sex that you are unable to perform, which in turn causes additional sexual performance anxiety.

These days, it might seem like everyone you know is nervous about something, and that's because they all are. Currently, anxiety disorders are the most prevalent mental health condition.

While experiencing sexual anxiety is entirely natural, it can be quite stressful, so let's take a closer look.

Picture Credits: www.lloydspharmacy.com

Sexual anxiety, in its most basic form, is any anxiety you have about sex, including concerns about sexual dysfunction, sexual performance, or relationship troubles. Some of the main causes for sexual anxiety can be relationship issues, mental health and previous traumatic experiences.

Sometimes, just the thought of sex or having sex can make you feel anxious, or it could be the feelings of anxiety are more during sex - like if you can’t stop worrying about how you look or whether the other person is enjoying themselves or not. If you’ve had trouble becoming aroused, reaching orgasm quicker than you’d like, or not reaching it at all, you might feel a sense of shame or guilt.

Talking to a therapist about your sexual anxiety can be quite beneficial. They can help you understand your fears and where they come from, as well as provide practical exercises for you to implement at home.

If the sex you're having isn't making you feel good, or if you're not having any sex at all and this is making you uncomfortable, one simple thing you can do is to take sex off the table for a bit. Have sex only when you and your partner are both at ease with it, without any sense of obligation or expectation.

Stress also has a big impact on our sleep, and if you’re not sleeping well, you’re probably not feeling a huge amount of sexual desire generally, and it gets much harder to regulate our emotions, which could be contributing to your sexual anxiety.

Above all, be kind to yourself!